The Random Blogger

              not these kind of nightmares... My nightmares always involve real people...not ghost ,etc Woke up this morning with a super weird nightmare... usually when it's ' weird ' I'll not be scared ,  but this particular nightmare seemed surreal that I woke up with so much emotion and I was actually in total shock and relief while thanking God that this is just another nightmare..                                                      my 'creative' and overworked brain  It's one of the dreams that I will never forget because it plays with my emotions , thoughts and worries....and especially...it involves real people , people that I personally know , playing their roles...exact same roles as real life ( just that circumstances and some things are different because of my really ' creative ' brain ) T...

Yesterday was really an eventful day which end my " more than 6 years " of me living in fear.I've never been so scared like a scaredy cat ever before in my life.Since young , I was practically really afraid of sickness and diseases , articularly cancer since both of my grandparents died from that disease. When I was 6 , I touched my stomach and felt something like a growth.From that onwards , I kinda fear that it's something serious and started to count when i'm going to die.Adding on to that , i'm really skinny and my stomach is really sensitive , I thought that i have some sort of cancer because Of me being underweight and people say that i'm underweight xD Honestly ,I don't care people saying that i'm thin , it's just that I perceived myself having some sort of illness that's why... Things got worst in 2007 after a bad sickness...I thought that i'm really gonna die.In 2009 it got worst , because i was sick for more than two wee...

After years of repression... The secret is out... But somehow... I actually hid 1/2 of the facts from the doctor.... I know that psychologically i'm unwell... But physically , I've been feeling i have a HUGE lump on the right side of my abdomen since really long time ago... This was actually my biggest and longest secret ever... I woke up this morning... And I kept touching it... It freaks me out .... My parents touched it and said maybe it's a muscle or so... BUT They said I should go for a full body checkup for assurance... They suppose to bring me today.. But i'm worried.... I have business studies and economics tomorrow and the day after ... and in my brain there's only 50% of knowledge... I can't even concentrate.... I'm really worried... What if it is a cancerous lump ? My mum told me it's highly impossible because it happened really long ago... This secret was nearly out last time when I was 11.. I asked my maid to tou...

Doctor didn't prescribe me any medicine.. Coz he said that I'm fine... Thank god that I feel much better now

The journey will be a hard one But I know that I still have to overcome The many things I fear that made me So paranoid...

Recently I read a friend's blog and was shocked to notice that we suffered from the same parallel problem...and another friend too... People said that I matured a lot when I stepped into college , however , That change have it's downside too... In fact , I've became a perfectionist like i've never expected myself to be... After reading that post , I managed to identify myself as a type two perfectionist : Everything must be done with the best I can....( giving my all out for a certain project / etc ) In college , I became more cautious and aware on who to choose to become my group Mate.. For instance , in subject X , I actually choose the most hardworking girl and the guy who have the most ideas in class to be my group people... Despite me not being the leader of the group ( I told them I don't want that ) .. I somehow predicted that in the end..I will do most of the job because of my attitude and not because of them.. I admit that sometimes I was r...

At the beginning of the year , a ps. told me " You will go through darkness..but if you seek for the light ( God ) , everything will be ok " now I understand... I've been going through " Hell " since January itself... Many thoughts that i've buried inside long ago mounted up and resulted in my psychological stress besides my studies stress and " aim to score straight A's " stress.... I think most of you know that my " xin li zhuo yong " is really strong...which means that i'm hypochondriac...I'm afraid of getting sick ( even flu or fever ) , constantly weigh myself to ensure that I don't lose weight...and in the past , I always google things like " nausea , loss of appetite..." and automatically I will " think " that i'm inflicted with really serious disease like I will die...and the doctor would say " it's all in your brain...it's all small matter " I've not ...

Anorexic sufferers sees themselves as super a super fat person when they see their reflection on the mirror... Me ? Don't know " what " sufferer , sees myself as a super skinny person when I look at myself at the mirror..... I keep perceiving myself as being super skinny and super bony ugly... Last time , people kept telling me to eat more like , " You are so SKINNY !! your mum didn't feed you ? " , " you should eat more so that you become prettier " but some friends in college kept telling me that I'm not that skinny as I thought.... and they said that i'm Thin not skinny... and some people from other place say that I have good body ( erm i know a lot of you are coughing BLOOD now xD ) but damn...i'm only 40 kg :( and you think it's GOOD ? I so freaking hate it... it sucks being skinny.... people always think you are anorexic... when you eat less...they say that you SHOULD EAT MORE when they see you , they t...

Suicide.Is a vague word... It might be a laughable word or even a crazy thought for many people out there to think that people committing suicide are STUPID / CRAZY / ETC.... Somehow...I was that person and when I experienced something like that...you will know why some people actually do it... The thought of me committing suicide and being send straight to hell by Lucifer and his clan is downright frightening and I SERIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO SPEND MY ETERNITY THERE... Life have it's ups and downs ....and suicide is not really the way out....Come to think of it in a calculative way...Ending your life = sending your soul to hell...= eternal damnation....=Not worth it... I do not really have suicide tendencies...but I do experience the thought of " it's ok if I someone ends my life now..." or the thought of cutting myself...( indulge in self-harm ) There was a time where I was really depressed that I can't really eat , cried every night, think a lot , a...

2009 ( ABOVE ) 2008 ( above ) Past two years = 2009-2011 it's just two short years , but I felt that i've changed quite a lot . To be honest , I just don't know how to talk about this.... I'm a very talkative person , yet very blur =( and despite being talkative , I am actually very shy ....( i know some wouldn't believe this xD ) In highschool , I don't have much friends , but I gained many good and awesome AND PRECIOUS FRIENDS XD they said that I've changed too... ok.... Last two years , in class i'm somewhat like the girl who sits behind , in her own world , doing her own things . I wasn't confident and I only felt comfortable with a few friends . Honestly , I can't wait to leave high school and somewhat I don't regret that I think like that because my life is so much better now =) Within this two years , I felt that my confidence level increased ...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! The picture above pretty much described what I want to share about my earliest memory. Amazingly , the memorable incident happened when I was three....( which is quite shocking because according to some academic studies , they said that humans can only remember memories from 4 years old onwards ) ....proved that it's really memorable to me xD OK...cut the nonsense... I was a very curious and naughty kid which love to say " what's this " and the next moment , you'll see something on the floor or something being torn apart ( I love to tear papers when I was young and love to touch what i'm curious about and shake it / other actions lols ) One day , I was talking kiddish talk with my mother and we went into her bedroom and she took out this Red Elizabeth Arden nail polish....I was still talking to her and we went to the bathroom and sat. She starts to open the nail polish and is ...

" Hi ! I'm Yesterday , Today and Tomorrow !!! " *p.s. : Yesterday , Today and Tomorrow is a REAL flower species name !! ( go google it ! ) =D Yesterday = past tense today = present tense tomorrow = future tense I , have the power to make everyday a positive and happy day !! i want to be more ME as possible now i'm loosing myself , my emotions , my life , my all .... but i know i'm so gonna find " her " ( me ) back Chermaine FIGHTING !! =D I want to be as colourful as the flowers !! ( my inner being i mean ) xD

I see other people are happy and are enjoying their life but why i'm not ?

Sometimes I wonder whether i'm a better Pianist or a better Dancer..... I'm still , and currently having a conflict with the piano.....which I felt is somewhat a psychological setback..... some people have already known the story... Currently , i'm more confident in dancing...only when there's a routine....I suck @ impromptu dancing.....

Worn out.... tomorrow = dooms day for me ( getting back my law paper is worst than getting back any major exams' paper...... ) my mood sucks i can't sleep , can't eat... not really because of tht as well i'm already being very realistic maybe good things are not meant for me... i can't even play Kabalevsky with a tinge of happiness anymore.... now i knw what CL meant by " i can't play with a pure heart anymore " I feel like playing Rachmaninoff's pieces now.... I feel like playing Vocalise ( on violin...even though i suck @ it ) ....

2009 have been quite a year for me ...changes and lessons learnt from so many experiences ...quite turbulent yet fun yet enriching....hmmm....not sure i want to say now... will be blogging about this when the mood comes...

Operation Weight Gain For Agent CK 1 and CK 2 ( it's actually Chermaine and Clifford Kang ) Since i'm only 41kg.....( i lost 1kg during May.........because of that really crazy 2 weeks fever and i really have a hard time gaining weight !!! ) since young , i'm really thin.....( skinny ) =( so i do not have medical probs... I did my research and they said that if some one who is not born thin but suddenly they have sudden weight loss , then it might be a prob....well...except if they went for diet xD but i'm not alone....=) My Bro only weighs around 45kg...and he's like....173 / 174cm !! so we really have to buckle up to gain weight !!! xD The Solution : Full Cream Milk......( wonder if it works...but i'm worried that i will have lactose intolerance after that...but thank GOD ....so far , i'm fine xD ) Tadaaaa !!! Mine and Clifford's..... Me and The Milk xD ...

Randomness strikes.... sometimes i wonder why i am so random ...... Suddenly some thoughts will just cross my mind...and it would just be gone in seconds... I was wondering...Who I am actually..I don't even know myself since like ...let's say...forever ? I don't even know my passion anymore , my personality...or whatever there is in between those stuff...Honestly , i detest my Socohl ( words are jumbled up ) a lot.....My social life is a mess ( at socohl ) that is....Honestly , i don't really have much friend there ( as if i care ..but part of me does ) and i felt that i just ended up in the wrong scals ( jumbled up again ) for wto ( jumbled up ) years.....I felt that me and my scals peoples...just does not sync.....we are so different...as in ...i just find them annoying at times...especially ..... maybe because i'm the only iglesn ( jumbled up ) one in the " group " ( but as if i care ) ...i just do not like to jump into a relationship so fast....( w...

Are you suffering from Hypochondria ? coz i do =( I hate these psychological thingy that makes you think that you have something serious when you are not...... it sucks......

Ma vie est un grand désordre.... Un de mon ami ne fait pas semble s'inquiéter de moi la personne qui m'aime semble obtenir contrariée par moi et moi pensent qu'il me déteste maintenant je n'ai pas beaucoup d'amis je ne suis pas populaire à l'école que les gens m'ont juste ignoré un ami m'approche toujours quand elle ont des problèmes ou elle veulent que je fasse quelque chose (habituellement le travail connexe) je ne peux pas encore trouver que ma propre personnalité que j'ai agi différemment dépend avec de qui je suis je suis si maigre que les gens distinguent mon poids et pensent que j'ai des troubles de la nutrition (qui est totalement faux) ish ish ish