The " Experiment "

Hmmm , i think it's very wrong to call it the " experiment "

but i'm just out of ideas for an ideal title xD

i actually didn't pray last night ( i usually pray every night before i go to sleep ).....

it feels a little odd but well....

i really have the urge to pray....

but...

i really felt that something is very true...

" do not regard prayer as a responsibility that you have to accomplish..but rather...it's something that comes from your heart....that you want to reach to HIM "

honestly...this really hits me...

since young....it's already a norm for me to pray every single night before i go to bed..

but this year especially....

night sometimes turn to day ( as in i will pray in the morning or in the car if i doze off the night before without praying )

but come to think about it....

sub-consciously , i've regarded prayer as a responsibility and will feel really uneasy when the next day i really went through the whole day without any prayer...

but....sometimes ,

it's not that i want to talk....

but it's already a routine....

starting from today ,

i will regard prayer as a personal talk with God..

and not regard it as a heavy responsibility...

but more on the side which i want to talk to my heavenly father =)

He taught me a great lesson today =)

really...

a day without prayer...

but filled with experiences =)

yesterday when i saw Beatrice's status ,

"My life is a gift from God to me, and what I become is a gift from me to God! "

this really hits me ......

i felt that most of the times ,

i take life for granted....

i forsaken him...

and i wasn't very obedient at times....

and i keep complaining about my skinny physique and how hard is it to gain weight...

and yeah....i always complain about my not-sharp looking features most of the times...

i always have this impression that i inherited my parents' facial flaws ( maybe because of i used to get a lot of tht kind of..erm... remarks haha when i was a kid la xD )

now i realized ...woah i thought that everyone will knw they get their eyes / nose etc from who or etc... coz i can and i found out a lot of people can't ( maybe they are not as self-conscious about themselves as me xD )

Coz you see....

a lot of people said tht me and my bro ....really different...he inherited the " good " parts and i got the " bad " parts lols xD

honestly i felt tht my trademark is my eyebrows ( dad's )

i got my dad's small eyes with inner double-eyelids...

( his flaw ) coz my mum have big eyes with double-eyelids...

( my type of eye very hard to make up eh... )

i got my mum's small nose...

( my dad's nose is sharp and refined...Clifford inherited tht )

i got my dad's thin lips

( mum have much fuller lips )

i got my dad's facial shape and size

( i have this super small face...=.= )-always kena teased when i was a kid

i inherited my mother side figure

( she used to be very skinny..

my cousins are thin and tall..and young looking but i'm STILL shorter than them xD)

i got my dad's hand and fingers

( ungirly =( doesn't even look like a pianist's hand...and i'm a pianist... )

-people used to tease me saying tht when my future boyfriend hold my hand....odd...and if my future husband buy a ring for me tht would be hard lols xD

i have chicken legs...

( skinny legs )

x assets....

i think directly and indirectly ....

i'm really forsaking him...and disappointing him in many ways.......

in this huge vast world ,

if you think you are ugly... , there are more ugly people that requires surgery to correct them ( birth defects ) , etc..

if you think you are unfortunate , there are more unfortunate people out there.....and etc etc etc.....

if you think you are smart , there are more intelligent people out there...

if you think you are talented...there are more talented people out there...

so , be humble yet don't look down on yourself...

we are gifts from GOD

and everyone have our own unique pros and cons....

like someone said to me " maybe GOD made you tht way ( as in me being blur... ) " lols

and you knw wht ?

" i'm glad tht at last you knw how it feels to be " blur " haha xD "

( YOU KNW who you are rite ??? ) xD

GOD is great =) Amen..

p.s. this MUST be the last time i actually look down on myself...because from now on , i must appreciate what GOD has given me....

thank god i'm normal

thank god i'm not handicapped

thank god for everything =)