The Random Blogger

I felt suffocated. I tried crying but no tears came out.  I tried to understand my feelings but all I felt was numbness.  With so many years of compartmentalizing my feelings, I no longer know how to truly feel.  If I can't even be honest and open in what supposed to be my most comfortable sphere, how is it possible for me to open up to others without doubts?  It's definitely hard trying to express what I'm feeling when I'm so used to converting my feelings to thoughts.  Over the years, I always felt like I did nothing right in that sphere.  I was always wrong, the guilty one.  Even when I found out that guilt-tripping me was just a fear tactic, but it has been ingrained into me. Everything wrong that happened HAS to be my fault. Oh, how wrong it was.  I thank God that I've persevered for so many years...but...I'm really tired.  I'm tired of being misunderstood, I'm tired of being taken for granted, I'm tired of being expected to do many things and n

Wow, it feels awkward to come back to this blog after a year of hiatus. So many things have changed since my last post. From COVID-19 to my personal life, 2020 was chaotic with some fun, anxiety, and growth bundled into a package.  The Concert I started the year being very enthusiastic as I was looking forward to an Autism concert and fundraising that we have been working very hard towards since the end of 2019. It was quite stressful as we handled everything ourselves without any event company involved: from making multiple trips to various bodies and venue, I was at the brink of exhaustion on top of my regular job. It doesn't help that I was having lots of fights and disagreements with J. However, I managed to keep my morale and spirit high by reminding myself of the main purpose of the event: To increase Autism awareness and acceptance, showcase their talents to the public, and also fundraising for an Autism organization. Despite the rocky journey, we were excited for the event,