The Random Blogger

Ended my October with a pounding headache, aching body, and fever. Man, I don't remember when was the last time I fell this ill. Well, at least I have a good opportunity to catch up on my reading and devotion. I detest being sick as I felt one day is wasted doing nothing. However, today serves as a reminder to pay more attention to my own health and body. Work is important, but without a healthy body and mind, your productivity will definitely be affected. Wishing myself a speedy recovery so that I can bounce back and do a better job at work and life.

During lunch today, I saw a family of 3 (Dad, mom, and their daughter) happily chatting, eating, and taking selfies. That scene warms my heart and the child is so adorable because she's super talkative (like yours truly when I was much younger). Suddenly, two thoughts crossed my mind. Am I reminiscing the carefree days I enjoyed with my family? Or should I be married and have a child by now?  However, before I arrived at an answer, my delicious plate of chicken rice came and I was instantly distracted by the aroma. Mmmm, let me finish this first okay?

I used to write poems so freely, I used to play music with so much enjoyment, I used to draw fearlessly, I used to dance like nobody's watching, I used to sing like the birds in the sky, not caring about anything in the world. But what happened? Honestly, it has been years since I struggled with 'artist block'. I'm still not sure how I'm going to overcome this. Creating used to be my life and soul. But I'm losing touch with this Artistic soul. I'm still finding the pieces. Perhaps life got the better of me. I'm busy helping others to achieve their dreams. I'm happy, I truly am. But internally, I do feel slightly empty. Deep down, I feel the artist in me is slowly disappearing. God, please teach me to overcome this. I want to be able to create all over again. Without reservations, fears, and judgments. Or perhaps, this is not my calling. Dear Lord, please guide me. Amen.

I was watching an episode of 'Master in the House' with French science fiction writer, Bernard Weber as a guest and I learned so much from it. One part, in particular, made me reflect: The society only teaches you how to judge. Even during first impressions, you are taught to judge if the person is decent or not. Even with simple two-way communication, many aren't interested to listen; they are just waiting to reply.  If we fail to listen and communicate at a fundamental level, how can we truly learn to take an interest in societal issues?

It's been 4 days since pageant week is over and I'm still having some withdrawal symptoms from missing the girls to the entire experience. However, I don't have time to reflect as I am still so busy with work, my concert project, and creative writing gigs. Now that my chapter on pageantry is closed (99% possibility I might not join another pageant anymore), it's time I focus on my career, some future planning, and yes....taking THAT piano diploma exam. Honestly, reflecting on my life, most of my past was just me merely existing rather than living the life that I've wanted. I was so afraid of people's opinions and failure that I just decided to push away many opportunities in life. I am feeling it now because joining 3 pageants in a year at 27 years old is not easy. Well, at least I'm living my dreams now, rather than regretting it later when I'm REALLY overaged. I'm planning to take LTCL next year which yes, I have been delaying since my univer