Random rants...urgh !
ON tuesday ( just the day before ) , the feeling is on again....now it's because of the thoughts in my brain + presentation due yesterday and exam and trials and etc....and mind you , I admit i'm like one of the thinker in the presentation ( besides mastermind E )...so really...I'm cracking my head a lot on that...and the topic about LIFE is really disturbing since we have to research on Death penalty , euthanasia , abortion , suicide and sexual harassment...mind you , yesterday's presentation last more than 40 minutes...and that's just part A ...next week , there's another part B coming up...
so it was really stressful...deadline..and the TOPIC(s) we get are really interesting...BUT at the same time very controversial and we NEED to relate those on LIFE ( thanks to E who pointed out to us about the relation before we go off-topic and discus solely on a topic)..so yeah...cracked brains to think about the effect and trauma and etc..and we even watched videos which are really disturbing which stole mine and Eric's appetite away....( me , E and X sat in S for 4 STRAIGHT HOURS !!!
Eric left after that since he was tired , so left me and friend X ...I wanted to drive , but friend X insisted on walking all the way to Fahrenheit for sushi...so UGRH..honestly...i'm not really happy coz it's really far and i'm mentally disturbed by the vids and topics AND we have no man to walk with us.....and i'm wearing my 2 inch heels ( ok..not big deal )
Honestly , that time , the stuck feeling in my throat was really strong from the disturbance I see and felt doing the " LIFE " presentation ( E was utterly disturbed as well but friend X not really coz X didn't really see the video )
we were walking towards F , then at TS the bridge area ..suddenly two guys just pulled us from the crowd and ask us to buy something to " support " them...one man was talking to friend X and one was talking to me...the Guy spoke to me in english really fast...so I asked him " Can you speak mandarin?" He was stunned and said
" I thought you were a Japanese...are you mix ? you look like you are mix ? "
so I said " yeah....a bit of Thai blood I guess "
so yeah...I was trying to break away and friend X came and explained everything ( coz seriously...when i asked for more details...he kept asking me to write my name and give " points " but i didn't of course xD ) so later , we wanna go off..then he said " your friend no manners one "
honestly i was quite insulted by the guy...omgosh...he's the one who have no manners...kept pulling us and asking us to stay and buy ....and don't give details when we asked him to...
I was really disturbed and now THIS....i kinda implied to friend X that we should drive coz it is NOT safe ( like what my mum said ) and after the incident , only she listened to me...but we were already in Sungei Wang...so too late to reverse the decision..
We were actually talking about the experience ..and I asked her , " I look like mix meh ? odd la the guy "
she was silent and
while we were on the way to Fahrenheit , X told me
" Chermaine , i want to tell you something nice later "
so i said ok...
In the Sushi bar ...X suddenly asked me
" I wonder why you like to wear shorts ? Why Chinese people love to wear shorts ah ?? I don't get it"
so I answered
" erm...perhaps the weather is hot ? But for me , maybe i'm lazy to wear jeans...and honestly I wear shorts to show my legs if I wear a long sleeved shirt so that I don't look skinny "
later , we continued eating...
and when I WAS eating , X suddenly said
" We are very lucky if we get handsome boyfriend , because we are U-G-L-Y "
I was actually quite stunned but not enough to stop me from eating...coz erm...honestly , I don't find myself ugly so STOP relating me with YOU !
I was beginning to feel a little weird...when suddenly she said
" Chermaine , If you don't mind...i want to ask you this question : Your mother is so beautiful and your father is so handsome....but why ARE YOU SO UGLY AH ? " ( WITH THE expression and the scary eyes )
omgosh...suddenly I just felt my stomach just turned upside down and I just stared at my food...not knowing how to continue...I don't even know what to answer...i'm not sensitive ( maybe a little..) but she's bringing up my past insecurities and it makes me feel SUCKY !
wow...now i understand..that is the ' NICE " QUESTION..rite
I throw her back a question ( I felt it was quite harsh )
" X ..i don't know how to answer your question...It's like if i ask you " X , why are you not so attractive when your mum is pretty ? "
she actually answered
" coz my father is Ugly "
erm..wow..WHAT !?! i'm so speechless...where got people say their dad is ugly !!
Gosh...I was utterly shocked because I never met such Lazer mouth-ed person before...
honestly...in my heart I wanted to say " you say that i'm UGLY ...can you look into the mirror first before telling me that ? "
When we walked out...she hugged me...it was really uncomfortable for me...( not really becoz of her remark..but her actions and plus my previous disturbance which made me feel uncomfortable and now THIS ? ) AND suddenly , I felt like vomiting ( the action ) I rushed to the toilet...fear comes ...but in the end , nothing came out...it was scary...
I told X that I don't want to watch movie anymore ( since I really felt uncomfortable with her...and the nausea comes because of me feeling uncomfortable and awkward ) ....I insisted that we take monorail back coz I wanna go home fast...and i'm afraid of vomiting another time...and I feel uncomfortable not because X told me the remark...but it feels very uncomfortable because she kept finding ways to make what she said to be a better sentence ( she failed badly on it ) and I felt worst..especially when X said " I said that , which is a positive thing...I want to increase your confidence " but HUH ? i don't get the POINT !
now i understand why your Ms. S said that you just didn't go straight to the point and is kinda childish in the way you write essays...please be more precise and factual...
I can't stand it when X said " Now you know why i'm so good in L because I don't think when I say things "
my comment : erm...hmmm....honestly , I don't find you super good in L...
( you beat me by 4 marks..just because you finished answering all the questions...me ? I didn't finish one question ( MIND YOU 20 marks GONE ) and I got 4 marks less...so yeah...you are sitting on my throne now..) but i'll make sure for the trials in march , i'll be sitting on that throne again ! ( I'm better in ELS btw ) - childish fight xD
AND not thinking when you are saying things DOESN'T mean that you WILL be good in L...what IS the relationship ? I don't filter things before saying too...but I didn't tell people saying that " you are ugly " ..that doesn't increase ones self-confidence that is an INSULT ! lawyers don't simply insult people too !
BESIDES...you kept saying Ms. M have HIGH expectations on you and saying that she have HIGH expectations on me too ( don't need to tell me that..I already know....this is the 2nd time she wants to HANG me for not achieving her expectation xD )
L is a subject which requires critical thinking , evaluation skills , factual mind and LOTS OF FILTERING before coming to a conclusion!
BACK to the story...
Thank God X agreed with monorail coz it rained after that...reached home with slight fever..and I just lie down on the sofa to calm myself down...and eventually the nausea disappear and X was using my comp to finish her incomplete parts...
Honestly , I told my M about it ( coz she told me to tell her everything like a sis when i'm uncomfortable with something- to relieve my psychological bulk i guess ) ....and my M accidentally blurted out YOU ARE SO MUCH PRETTIER THAN ME !! then my M suddenly cupped her mouth saying " oops !!!!! " we were like " oh shoot ><"
p.s. : I don't find myself more attractive than my mum ok? :) I have friends who say that she's
hot and why i'm not Hot xD so you know i'm not really sensitive..but the way X said it was
really a stab through my heart.. I'm proud to have a hot mum that looks like my SIS =D
X told me to read a letter in my drawer yesterday..and I read it...honestly..i really wanna throw it away but the Angel part of me tell me to stop...
I actually forgave her already...coz I know God wants us to forgive people..if he can forgive Ted Bundy , who am I not to forgive a person like X ?
But I just can't stand certain actions of X when such as I was doing presentation and Mr.L was shocked when she kinda cut in @ a part of my presentation when X actually asked me to present the topic coz X's not familiar with it ...
ALSO can't stand it when I was editing my slides and X kept telling me about X's points...one time I had enough and said " i'm doing my slides "
and finally I understand why MC wanted to slap you before... MC ain't all wrong about you after all
and you know what I can't stand the most ?
when X said
BFF
I H A T E T H A T W O R D !!!!!
I H A V E B E T T E R F R I E N D S A N D Y O U A R E N O T M Y B F F !!!
and in the letter you said " we are close so i'm being direct something "
erm
" W E A R E N O T S O C L O S E A N D Y O U D O N ' T K N O W M A N Y T H I N G S A B O U Y M E . I J U S T C H O O S E W H A T I W A N T T O S H O W Y O U C O Z I K N O W F R O M T H E S T A R T , Y O U A I N ' T A S I M P L E P E R S O N . . . "
" E V E N M Y C L O S E F R I E N D S D O N ' T S A Y S U C H T H I N G S "
I still feel sorry for myself that I haven't fully forgiven her yet...I really need God's grace to forgive her...it still feels awkward with X today... and I'm raising my guards against X even more
X attacked ED today and he was unhappy and kinda angry again...I understand...E told ED to calm down I can't believe i said this front of them... " X please..mind your language "
so it was really stressful...deadline..and the TOPIC(s) we get are really interesting...BUT at the same time very controversial and we NEED to relate those on LIFE ( thanks to E who pointed out to us about the relation before we go off-topic and discus solely on a topic)..so yeah...cracked brains to think about the effect and trauma and etc..and we even watched videos which are really disturbing which stole mine and Eric's appetite away....( me , E and X sat in S for 4 STRAIGHT HOURS !!!
Eric left after that since he was tired , so left me and friend X ...I wanted to drive , but friend X insisted on walking all the way to Fahrenheit for sushi...so UGRH..honestly...i'm not really happy coz it's really far and i'm mentally disturbed by the vids and topics AND we have no man to walk with us.....and i'm wearing my 2 inch heels ( ok..not big deal )
Honestly , that time , the stuck feeling in my throat was really strong from the disturbance I see and felt doing the " LIFE " presentation ( E was utterly disturbed as well but friend X not really coz X didn't really see the video )
we were walking towards F , then at TS the bridge area ..suddenly two guys just pulled us from the crowd and ask us to buy something to " support " them...one man was talking to friend X and one was talking to me...the Guy spoke to me in english really fast...so I asked him " Can you speak mandarin?" He was stunned and said
" I thought you were a Japanese...are you mix ? you look like you are mix ? "
so I said " yeah....a bit of Thai blood I guess "
so yeah...I was trying to break away and friend X came and explained everything ( coz seriously...when i asked for more details...he kept asking me to write my name and give " points " but i didn't of course xD ) so later , we wanna go off..then he said " your friend no manners one "
honestly i was quite insulted by the guy...omgosh...he's the one who have no manners...kept pulling us and asking us to stay and buy ....and don't give details when we asked him to...
I was really disturbed and now THIS....i kinda implied to friend X that we should drive coz it is NOT safe ( like what my mum said ) and after the incident , only she listened to me...but we were already in Sungei Wang...so too late to reverse the decision..
We were actually talking about the experience ..and I asked her , " I look like mix meh ? odd la the guy "
she was silent and
while we were on the way to Fahrenheit , X told me
" Chermaine , i want to tell you something nice later "
so i said ok...
In the Sushi bar ...X suddenly asked me
" I wonder why you like to wear shorts ? Why Chinese people love to wear shorts ah ?? I don't get it"
so I answered
" erm...perhaps the weather is hot ? But for me , maybe i'm lazy to wear jeans...and honestly I wear shorts to show my legs if I wear a long sleeved shirt so that I don't look skinny "
later , we continued eating...
and when I WAS eating , X suddenly said
" We are very lucky if we get handsome boyfriend , because we are U-G-L-Y "
I was actually quite stunned but not enough to stop me from eating...coz erm...honestly , I don't find myself ugly so STOP relating me with YOU !
I was beginning to feel a little weird...when suddenly she said
" Chermaine , If you don't mind...i want to ask you this question : Your mother is so beautiful and your father is so handsome....but why ARE YOU SO UGLY AH ? " ( WITH THE expression and the scary eyes )
omgosh...suddenly I just felt my stomach just turned upside down and I just stared at my food...not knowing how to continue...I don't even know what to answer...i'm not sensitive ( maybe a little..) but she's bringing up my past insecurities and it makes me feel SUCKY !
wow...now i understand..that is the ' NICE " QUESTION..rite
I throw her back a question ( I felt it was quite harsh )
" X ..i don't know how to answer your question...It's like if i ask you " X , why are you not so attractive when your mum is pretty ? "
she actually answered
" coz my father is Ugly "
erm..wow..WHAT !?! i'm so speechless...where got people say their dad is ugly !!
Gosh...I was utterly shocked because I never met such Lazer mouth-ed person before...
honestly...in my heart I wanted to say " you say that i'm UGLY ...can you look into the mirror first before telling me that ? "
When we walked out...she hugged me...it was really uncomfortable for me...( not really becoz of her remark..but her actions and plus my previous disturbance which made me feel uncomfortable and now THIS ? ) AND suddenly , I felt like vomiting ( the action ) I rushed to the toilet...fear comes ...but in the end , nothing came out...it was scary...
I told X that I don't want to watch movie anymore ( since I really felt uncomfortable with her...and the nausea comes because of me feeling uncomfortable and awkward ) ....I insisted that we take monorail back coz I wanna go home fast...and i'm afraid of vomiting another time...and I feel uncomfortable not because X told me the remark...but it feels very uncomfortable because she kept finding ways to make what she said to be a better sentence ( she failed badly on it ) and I felt worst..especially when X said " I said that , which is a positive thing...I want to increase your confidence " but HUH ? i don't get the POINT !
now i understand why your Ms. S said that you just didn't go straight to the point and is kinda childish in the way you write essays...please be more precise and factual...
I can't stand it when X said " Now you know why i'm so good in L because I don't think when I say things "
my comment : erm...hmmm....honestly , I don't find you super good in L...
( you beat me by 4 marks..just because you finished answering all the questions...me ? I didn't finish one question ( MIND YOU 20 marks GONE ) and I got 4 marks less...so yeah...you are sitting on my throne now..) but i'll make sure for the trials in march , i'll be sitting on that throne again ! ( I'm better in ELS btw ) - childish fight xD
AND not thinking when you are saying things DOESN'T mean that you WILL be good in L...what IS the relationship ? I don't filter things before saying too...but I didn't tell people saying that " you are ugly " ..that doesn't increase ones self-confidence that is an INSULT ! lawyers don't simply insult people too !
BESIDES...you kept saying Ms. M have HIGH expectations on you and saying that she have HIGH expectations on me too ( don't need to tell me that..I already know....this is the 2nd time she wants to HANG me for not achieving her expectation xD )
L is a subject which requires critical thinking , evaluation skills , factual mind and LOTS OF FILTERING before coming to a conclusion!
BACK to the story...
Thank God X agreed with monorail coz it rained after that...reached home with slight fever..and I just lie down on the sofa to calm myself down...and eventually the nausea disappear and X was using my comp to finish her incomplete parts...
Honestly , I told my M about it ( coz she told me to tell her everything like a sis when i'm uncomfortable with something- to relieve my psychological bulk i guess ) ....and my M accidentally blurted out YOU ARE SO MUCH PRETTIER THAN ME !! then my M suddenly cupped her mouth saying " oops !!!!! " we were like " oh shoot ><"
p.s. : I don't find myself more attractive than my mum ok? :) I have friends who say that she's
hot and why i'm not Hot xD so you know i'm not really sensitive..but the way X said it was
really a stab through my heart.. I'm proud to have a hot mum that looks like my SIS =D
X told me to read a letter in my drawer yesterday..and I read it...honestly..i really wanna throw it away but the Angel part of me tell me to stop...
I actually forgave her already...coz I know God wants us to forgive people..if he can forgive Ted Bundy , who am I not to forgive a person like X ?
But I just can't stand certain actions of X when such as I was doing presentation and Mr.L was shocked when she kinda cut in @ a part of my presentation when X actually asked me to present the topic coz X's not familiar with it ...
ALSO can't stand it when I was editing my slides and X kept telling me about X's points...one time I had enough and said " i'm doing my slides "
and finally I understand why MC wanted to slap you before... MC ain't all wrong about you after all
and you know what I can't stand the most ?
when X said
BFF
I H A T E T H A T W O R D !!!!!
I H A V E B E T T E R F R I E N D S A N D Y O U A R E N O T M Y B F F !!!
and in the letter you said " we are close so i'm being direct something "
erm
" W E A R E N O T S O C L O S E A N D Y O U D O N ' T K N O W M A N Y T H I N G S A B O U Y M E . I J U S T C H O O S E W H A T I W A N T T O S H O W Y O U C O Z I K N O W F R O M T H E S T A R T , Y O U A I N ' T A S I M P L E P E R S O N . . . "
" E V E N M Y C L O S E F R I E N D S D O N ' T S A Y S U C H T H I N G S "
I still feel sorry for myself that I haven't fully forgiven her yet...I really need God's grace to forgive her...it still feels awkward with X today... and I'm raising my guards against X even more
X attacked ED today and he was unhappy and kinda angry again...I understand...E told ED to calm down I can't believe i said this front of them... " X please..mind your language "
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