Rants on being a perfectionist
Recently I read a friend's blog and was shocked to notice that we suffered from the same parallel problem...and another friend too...
People said that I matured a lot when I stepped into college , however ,
That change have it's downside too...
In fact , I've became a perfectionist like i've never expected myself to be...
After reading that post , I managed to identify myself as a type two perfectionist :
Everything must be done with the best I can....( giving my all out for a certain project / etc )
In college ,
I became more cautious and aware on who to choose to become my group Mate..
For instance , in subject X , I actually choose the most hardworking girl and the guy who have the most ideas in class to be my group people...
Despite me not being the leader of the group ( I told them I don't want that ) ..
I somehow predicted that in the end..I will do most of the job because of my attitude and not because of them..
I admit that sometimes I was really unhappy with the work because I felt that it's too superficial and somewhat shallow...
and I actually got angry when I gave a person 2 hours and that person only came up with few paragraphs which are not very detailed..
I ended up spending two days to correct the mistakes and giving it a deeper and more informative " feel " into it...
The problem with being a perfectionist is that I became very selfish and I don't trust others around me on any projects or works...In fact , I rather do everything myself...
* Honestly , I prefer to work individually ...because in groups you can be a parasite...and I hate that because we all get equal marks...
* BUT i love being in a group if everyone is a perfectionist lols xD and everyone is equally productive and have many ideas ( but that may cause another type of commotion lols xD )
So , you see...i'm THAT selfish...and it's worrying me that I may become worst...like a monster or so..
For instance , I've only got no.1 ONCE in my 19 years of life...
and always settled for no.2...( I won't complain coz it isn't that bad )
But sometimes , I would always complain about myself " If i've done better than that , my exam result will be different , If I can finish the papers on time , I CAN get higher grades ..."
and even though I may get the highest , I may complain " I can do so much better than that...I must compare myself with other class people , not only my class..because I must set the world ( other classes ) as a benchmark so that I can improve and be on par as them...and when I am on par with them ..I would rant to myself and said the other people in other colleges do so much better than this...
The problem doesn't end there...because I don't felt that all the things I do is out of my capability...because I reckoned that i'm capable to actually do more than that...
and THAT'S bad coz that's PRIDE...
I wonder how can I tone down from being a perfectionist to be a normal human...
It would be tough because then I will keep complaining to myself that " Chermaine , you can actually do so so so so so much better than that "
* sorry to the people that i've worked before... sorry group mates
People said that I matured a lot when I stepped into college , however ,
That change have it's downside too...
In fact , I've became a perfectionist like i've never expected myself to be...
After reading that post , I managed to identify myself as a type two perfectionist :
Everything must be done with the best I can....( giving my all out for a certain project / etc )
In college ,
I became more cautious and aware on who to choose to become my group Mate..
For instance , in subject X , I actually choose the most hardworking girl and the guy who have the most ideas in class to be my group people...
Despite me not being the leader of the group ( I told them I don't want that ) ..
I somehow predicted that in the end..I will do most of the job because of my attitude and not because of them..
I admit that sometimes I was really unhappy with the work because I felt that it's too superficial and somewhat shallow...
and I actually got angry when I gave a person 2 hours and that person only came up with few paragraphs which are not very detailed..
I ended up spending two days to correct the mistakes and giving it a deeper and more informative " feel " into it...
The problem with being a perfectionist is that I became very selfish and I don't trust others around me on any projects or works...In fact , I rather do everything myself...
* Honestly , I prefer to work individually ...because in groups you can be a parasite...and I hate that because we all get equal marks...
* BUT i love being in a group if everyone is a perfectionist lols xD and everyone is equally productive and have many ideas ( but that may cause another type of commotion lols xD )
So , you see...i'm THAT selfish...and it's worrying me that I may become worst...like a monster or so..
For instance , I've only got no.1 ONCE in my 19 years of life...
and always settled for no.2...( I won't complain coz it isn't that bad )
But sometimes , I would always complain about myself " If i've done better than that , my exam result will be different , If I can finish the papers on time , I CAN get higher grades ..."
and even though I may get the highest , I may complain " I can do so much better than that...I must compare myself with other class people , not only my class..because I must set the world ( other classes ) as a benchmark so that I can improve and be on par as them...and when I am on par with them ..I would rant to myself and said the other people in other colleges do so much better than this...
The problem doesn't end there...because I don't felt that all the things I do is out of my capability...because I reckoned that i'm capable to actually do more than that...
and THAT'S bad coz that's PRIDE...
I wonder how can I tone down from being a perfectionist to be a normal human...
It would be tough because then I will keep complaining to myself that " Chermaine , you can actually do so so so so so much better than that "
* sorry to the people that i've worked before... sorry group mates
Comments