Weird nightmare
Woke up this morning with a super weird nightmare...
usually when it's ' weird ' I'll not be scared ,
but this particular nightmare seemed surreal that I woke up with so much emotion and I was actually in total shock and relief while thanking God that this is just another nightmare..
It's one of the dreams that I will never forget because it plays with my emotions , thoughts and worries....and especially...it involves real people , people that I personally know , playing their roles...exact same roles as real life ( just that circumstances and some things are different because of my really ' creative ' brain )
The ' Nightmare '
The first scene showed that I'm at a wedding , but it's not a lavish hall...it's like a real big classroom ( but it's really nice ) and guest are seated on long tables ( like the ones you see in schools but better ) . My groom is not always with me , I'm always alone while he's always seating behind..I was worried and have a feeling that it's beginning of something really wrong , but I just pretended nothing happened and yup , I'm legally married .
The next day after my marriage , I met my parents in law : my father in law congratulated me with a smile . My mother in law saw me and hugged me really tight and looked sad . She said that honestly my boyfriend agreed to marry me because he was working part time under an accounting firm and he made some serious mistake and my mum threatened to sue him and his manager unless he marry me . I was shocked .
I went home and asked my mum . My mum was quiet for a moment and sadly admitted that she said those things under the circumstances that she can see that i'm very into him but he does not look like he like me that much that's why she forced him to marry me to prevent me from getting hurt .
The next scene showed that I was crying really bad and shared this with two of my best friends . Best friend 2 just comforted me and couldn't say much while Best friend 1 was weirdly quiet just remained silent and solemn eyes...
Then another scene showed me that mum tried to cheer up by wanting to buy me Jay Chou cassette of his new album ( which oddly looks like Super Junior's Siwon album cover for ' Superman ' single ) . I told her I hate Jay Chou and stormed off . I saw my husband there and told him everything his mum have said . He kept quiet...I cried and test his feelings by wanting to hug him and just cry , but he just say ' I'm terribly sorry ' and left me alone in that super abandoned mall .
Next day I was going out with husband and his friend for some practise . Then suddenly got people come with receipts ...turned out that my husband owed the shop RM800++. I got no money at the moment and his friend helped him settle the bill . I was deeply embarrassed and felt super helpless that I can't help my husband . We opened our wedding cards and ang pow ( turned out we were married on Valentines' Day ) , a lot of people just congratulated us but never give us much money . Later more friends came and I struggled with chords on the piano and asked my friend to teach me . Our friends can't see our hardship and troubles coz we put up a happy front but inside we are trouble ( I AM troubled because my husband don't like me ) . I was super sad because of his ingenuity . I thought that life will be a bliss when we got married but he don't like me anymore .
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Two thoughts came to my mind : Divorce so that he can be with the one he truly loves , or continue with the marriage , sweep the thoughts under the carpet and impress him until he can change his mind and like me?
And I woke up...
Regretted that I slept until 9.20...I should have just wake up at 8.20 instead of sleeping in for another hour and have this really stupid nightmare...and I'm not even sleepy at 8.20 just my body feels heavy...
I straight away jot down my dream in my memo so that i'll not forget . Honestly , I'm training my brain to remember only what it wants to remember...but I just find this dream too unique...and perhaps I should post on my blog and forget about this absurd dream... But even though i'm taken aback and was shaken by this dream , I can't help to admire my own brain because I didn't know my brain is so ' creative ' . I think I can be a melodrama script writer lols XD After writing down the dream , I started to think about what ' inspired ' my brain to have such dream and so much details...and I managed to found a few :
Source of my ' nightmare ' ( not really source...well some is source , but more to the details )
1 ) Ah Niu's movie : The Wedding Diary ...... inspires....... the part where my wedding guests give me super little ang pow ( some none at all ) { There's this part in the movie where during the wedding reception , the groom and the bride was opening the champagne but the cork flew up towards the chandelier and it fell and he have to pay RM9000 for it and he can't cover the cost..They resorted to ang pow money to cover but the mother in law's sister kept half and the rest a lot of the guests didn't give a lot of money..some none at all )
2 ) Dad's friend daughter just got married and my one of my childhood friend ( Mun Hoe gor gor who works as a hairstylist in a saloon that I frequented often to change my hairstyle ) just became a father :D ........inspires ..........the part where I got married
3 ) Mum always doubt my ' love stories ' and will kept telling me ' your love ain't one sided right ? Does he really love you ? etc etc ' =.= ....inspires ......the part where my ' dream mum ' forced my boyfriend to marry me because she don't want to see me get hurt ..
4 ) Super weird Siwon's poster for Superman single ...inspires....the album cover of Jay Chou having yellow-greenish background and half naked body with fake tattoos .
6 ) My brother kept singing and listening to Jay Chou songs nowadays .....inspired .....the part where my mum was trying to keep me happy by buying me Jay Chou's cassette
7 ) Was missing my old music player.....inspired.....Jay Chou's cassette ( why not CD right lols !! weird brain XD )
8 ) Fear of forced relationship / the interference of parents into my ' love ' life ( esp when I ter-saw a msg she sent to a guy telling him to try to keep me happy because I was having a really bad depression some time ago... )....inspired ...the part where my dream mum forced and threatened my boyfriend to marry me .
9 ) Too many movie plots of the girl sharing love problems with the best friend and ended up the best friend and the boyfriend ends up together with the best friend that it just indirectly got stored in my brain =.=
10 ) Was gonna worship lead and was gan jiong like crazy XD .....inspired the part where I met up with the friend for practise ..
11 ) My trust issues , high jealousy level and skepticism ( slowly but surely improving ...succeeded in overcoming many things that previously if I was to handle will start a fight ) and how much it fears me to trust a person so much ( deeper and deeper trust ) ...my feelings and all...( perhaps it fears me because this is the first time i'm trying to trust so hard does not seemed like the ' me ' I know...but I know I have to trust ) ......inspires the whole dream =.=
Conclusion :
This can only happen if I was lucid dreaming XD
Since it's just a dream...I should have just forget it...it's not reality or so...just my perceived ' brain ' fake reality...just hope that a dream stays a dream.... and I can't change a dream ( unless I know how to lucid dream lols !! ) ...Kinda tried it before but... it always failed because I'll end up succumbing to the temptation to sleep XD
Conclusion :
Since it's just a dream...I should have just forget it...it's not reality or so...just my perceived ' brain ' fake reality...just hope that a dream stays a dream.... and I can't change a dream ( unless I know how to lucid dream lols !! ) ...Kinda tried it before but... it always failed because I'll end up succumbing to the temptation to sleep XD
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